The Furuba Fairy Tale From H3ll
by Satanira
Summary: Take the cast of one anime. Add a fairy tale plot, a fangirlish narrator who doesn’t get along with the characters, and a liberal dose of just plain craziness. Stir well and serve.
1. in Which the Cast is Introduced

_Title_- the Furuba Fairy Tale from Hell

_Genre_- humor/parody

_Rating_- PG-13, just to be safe

_Warnings_- shonen-ai, language, possible shojo-ai, cameo crossover appearances, insanity

_Disclaimer_- Can you believe I actually have one this time? Well, much as I wish to, I don't own Fruits Basket. I also don't own any characters from other anime that may pop up randomly throughout the story, unless otherwise stated.

_Summary_- Take the cast of one anime. Add a fairy tale plot, a fangirlish narrator who doesn't get along with the characters, and a liberal dose of just plain craziness. Stir well and serve.

* * *

_Once upon a time, in a far-off kingdom, there lived a beautiful princess by the name of Tohru. Tohru was a kind princess, always caring for the people of her small kingdom as if they were all very dear friends._

_Unfortunately, the princess's mother, the wise queen Kyoko, had died only weeks ago in a hunting accident, trampled to death by her own horse._

You do know that's lame, right?

_Shut up, you._

_So anyway, Queen Kyoko was gone, leaving Princess Tohru to rule the kingdom alone, guided by her two most trusted advisors, Uotani Arisa and Hanajima Saki._

_On the small kingdom's eastern border, there was a powerful empire ruled over by a cruel and sadistic king named Akito. Akito was ruthless, smashing smaller, weaker kingdoms and adding them to his vast lands with the aid of a formidable army, and he had his eye on Tohru's peaceful realm. And what Akito wanted, he usually got.

* * *

_

_One fine day, Princess Tohru left her humble palace and went out into the countryside to see how the nearby citizens were faring. She took Arisa, her military advisor and bodyguard, with her, more for Arisa's peace of mind than her own._

"I'm not really sure if _I_ should be the princess." Tohru said doubtfully. "Kagura-san would be much better. Or Kisa-san."

"You're fine." Arisa assured the brunette with a smile. "Now stick to the script, or that fangirl chick's gonna kill us both, okay?"

With a small nod, Tohru schooled her expression to one of utter content and sighed happily. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it, Uo-chan?"

"Yes, your Highness, it is." Arisa agreed. "Your people are happy today, too. It's a good sign of things to come, if you ask me."

Tohru smiled and turned her horse down a narrow road through the woods, which would take them to the next village on the list of places the princess wished to visit that day.

_Little did the princess and her advisor know, a notorious bandit had claimed the woods as his territory, and the two were heading directly for an ambush._

"A-ambush?"

"Shhh, Tohru, you're not supposed to be able to hear her." Arisa cautioned.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry."

The princess's horse snorted suddenly, shying backwards, as a group of rough-looking men stepped out of the brush, blocking the path.

"Okay, ladies, you know the drill; hand over any gold, jewelry, and non-traceable wealth you happen to have on you, and no one gets hurt." The bandit in the front said, flashing the two a fanged smile. "Otherwise, things could get ugly."

Silence prevailed for a moment, before Arisa nudged Tohru gently. "Princess, your line."

"Oh, sorry. Umm… I'm sorry, Bandit-san, but we don't have any of those things to give you."

"You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?" The orange-haired bandit leader asked, still smiling. "Do I have to strip you in order to get what I want?"

"Hey!" Arisa exclaimed angrily, pulling her horse up between Tohru and the bandit. "You watch what you say to her Highness! Have a little respect, you second-rate thief!"

"'Highness'?" The bandit repeated, his smile widening. "Well, that certainly changes things. A princess can be worth a lot these days. There's a king nearby who's offering big bucks for royalty, I hear."

"Think again, buster." Arisa growled, unsheathing her sword. "I would rather die than see Princess Tohru handed over to that so-called 'king'!"

"So you want to fight, Blondie?" The bandit asked, pulling his own weapon. "And here I thought today was going to be boring."

_Arisa and the bandit were both excellent fighters, but the bandit had a secret that gave him enormous advantage in this fight._

"You boys stay back." The bandit ordered, shedding his gloves to reveal long, claw-like fingers that ended in sharp nails. His hat followed the gloves, showing a pair of cat ears the same orange as his hair. "This is gonna be fun."

"So _you're_ the Cat Bandit Kyo." Arisa said, smiling. "It's an honor to meet such a well-known criminal." The blond woman dismounted, handing her horse's reins to Tohru, who accepted them with a bewildered expression.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in a nearby village inn, a young prince seeking momentary escape from his father's cruel will sat staring out the window. This was Prince Yuki, second son of King Akito, and the exact opposite of his sire._

"I don't see why I have to be Akito-san's son, anyway." Yuki grumbled, frowning out the window at the inn yard and idly wondering just how that insane blond American had managed to book an entire country for this fic. "And even worse, I'm still related to nii-san."

_Hey! Stick to the script, buddy, or I'll give Shigure your part!_

"All right, all ready! I'll stick to my stupid lines!"

_Better._

_So, as I was saying, Prince Yuki and King Akito were polar opposites, and Yuki hated the things his father did, but could think of no way to stop the evil monarch._

"If only father could see that violence solves nothing." Yuki said with a slightly dramatic sigh, standing up. "My way is much better; in order to rule a kingdom effectively, one must know one's subjects. Demoralizing a country and saddling it with an incompetent government is just about the stupidest take-over plan ever." He paused a moment, then grabbed his cloak and headed for the door. "And this is just about the stupidest fanfic I've ever been in."

_I heard that!

* * *

_

"You're not half bad, for a bandit." Arisa commented, shaking her bangs out of her eyes.

"You're pretty handy at this yourself." Kyo replied, grinning. "But that damn Rat better get here soon, because I don't know how much longer we can drag this out."

_Tell me about it. He's coming, but his horse went lame, so we had to get him a new one. He should be along any minute. And remember, Kyo, you're not supposed to fight him yet._

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know." Kyo growled. "I'll leave Ratboy alone. For now."

_Good Kitty! Oh, here he comes! Everyone in position!_

Everyone scrambled to their places as the sound of hoofbeats reached them; the bandits off to one side of the clearing, Tohru and the horses on the other, and Arisa and Kyo facing each other in the center.

The scene was set by the time Yuki himself arrived, mounted on a sleek black stallion that contrasted nicely with his white and silver clothing.

"Nice look." Arisa said appreciatively. "Not bad, for a second-best ride."

"That's why it took so long; Satanira-san insisted I look good. Now, what's going on here?"

"Nothing that concerns you, my lord." Kyo said with a sneer. "Just settling a little argument with the ladies."

"And what argument might that be?"

"Whether or not any valuables they might be carrying belong to us. Care to join? I can use the extra gold."

"I take it you are a bandit, then?" Yuki asked, sighing at Kyo's somewhat arrogant nod. "Then as a member of royalty, I suppose I should put you in your proper place."

"_Another_ royal?" Kyo asked, laughing. "If I turn you both over, I'll never have to steal again as long as I live! This is perfect!"

"Hardly." Yuki interrupted dryly. "I doubt my father will pay you much for his own flesh and blood."

Silence descended on the clearing, and Arisa drew back, placing herself between Yuki and Tohru.

"I mean no harm to the princess, my lady." Yuki assured her sadly. "May the gods forgive me for saying so, but I will go out of my way to _not_ please my father at this point. You've nothing to fear from me."

"How do I know I can trust you?" Arisa asked, not relaxing.

"You don't." Yuki said bluntly. "And I have no intentions of traveling with you, anyway. My father is bound to find me eventually, and I'd rather no innocents were around when that happens."

* * *

_Far to the east, in the throneseat of Akito's vast kingdom, the devilish monarch himself resided, awaiting word from his many agents as to Yuki's whereabouts. With him were his elder son and heir, Ayame, and his most loyal servant, a young girl by the name of Satanira._

"I've been meaning to ask," Akito said suddenly. "How is it exactly that you can be my evil minion and do the live narration at the same time?"

"It's a fangirl thing." Satanira explained, shrugging.

"Which means she doesn't know." Ayame interjected.

"Quiet, Snakeboy. Anyway, it's your line, Akito-san."

"Yes, it is." Akito agreed, nodding. "Satanira, do you love me?"

"With all my heart and soul." Satanira answered promptly from her place at the foot of Akito's throne.

"More than life?"

"More than anything." She assured him, staring up at him with adoration and devotion plain in her large orange eyes.

"Would you die for me?"

"Without hesitation."

"Would you kill for me?"

"Absolutely."

"I have a task for you, then, my dear Satanira. It seems my younger son has strayed from me again, and no one can find him." Akito reached down and smoothed her hair, smiling to see her so eager to please him. "Bring him back to me, and I will reward you well. Fail to do so…."

"I understand, my king." She said immediately. "I will leave at once." At Akito's nod, she surged to her feet and all but ran from the room.

"You shouldn't toy with her affections, Father." Ayame spoke up once she was gone. "She truly worships you, you know."

"I know." Akito answered with a nasty grin. "And I intend to use that to my full advantage. When I no longer have any use for her, I can be rid of her cleanly."

"If she doesn't figure out what you're up to before then." Ayame disagreed. "She's much smarter than she looks; it really is only a matter of time."

"Oh, go sew something." Akito ordered, waving one hand dismissively. "And send for my healer on your way out. I think that wench might have given me something."

* * *

_What do you think so far? It's my first try at a Furuba fic, so I hope I did okay._

_Also, to anyone following the manga when it comes to Akito-san, I know. And it's going to be a plot device later._


	2. in Which Random Things Happen

To NekoxLove- I'm sorry about Kyo, but you have to admit, he makes a pretty good bandit. Could you imagine Yuki in that role? I haven't quite figured out who's going to end up with whom just yet; Tohru's still kind of up for grabs. I was debating hooking Tohru up with someone other than Kyo and Yuki, since I support neither pairing. I think that if Tohru were to get romantically involved with someone, it would be best if it wasn't a Sohma. Too many people in that family idol-worship her. I'm pretty sure we find out about Akito in chapter 90.

To Jessiegurl43953- Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

To Bambigirl- …. You don't talk much, do you?

* * *

_Satanira, overjoyed to undertake a mission directly from Akito, left the palace immediately, on the fastest horse available to her. She had contacts in the countryside that would be very helpful, and she needed to speak with them as soon as possible._

Pushing her mount faster, Satanira relished in the feel of the wind through her long blond hair. She was a country girl by nature, and only her love for Akito and the wish to serve him kept her within the city walls. Out in the open, she was much more comfortable.

"I can hardly believe Akito-san trusts me enough for an important mission like this!" She exclaimed happily to the horse, who rolled his eyes dramatically and kept running. "I saw that." Satanira said grumpily, although her elation couldn't be suppressed for long.

* * *

"Umm…. Prince-san, why would it be bad to have people with you if your father finds you?" Tohru asked, confused and adorably so.

"Because this time," Yuki explained quietly, "he'll probably send… _her_." The prince shuddered dramatically, closing his eyes and breathing deeply in an effort to calm himself.

"Don't tell me you're scared to death of some _girl_!" Kyo exclaimed. "You're supposed to be a prince, dammit!"

"Satanira is no ordinary girl." Yuki snapped, opening his eyes to glare at Kyo. "If my father orders her to find me and bring me home, she will plow right through anyone and anything in her way. She'd gladly kill everyone here just to please him."

"….You're kidding, right?" Arisa asked after a long moment of silence. "You mean someone actually feels kindly towards that overbearing ijit?"

"Overbearing _what_?" Yuki asked.

"Ijit. I-J-I-T. Says it right there in the script."

_Hey! Quick dissecting my insults and get on with it! Your line, Yuki!_

"Weird." Yuki muttered, although it was hard to tell whether he was referring to Satanira herself or the dialogue. "So anyway, yes. She's totally infatuated with him, and she'd rather die than disappoint him. Actually, it would be more apt to say she'd rather kill." Tohru gasped in shock, and Yuki nodded sagely. "Exactly. Now, if you'll excuse me-" And he turned his horse and left the clearing.

* * *

"Motoko-san!" Satanira called cheerfully, dismounting and securing the reins of her horse to a handy fence to ensure she still had a ride when she was done. "Motoko-san, are you home?"

"Hai, hai, I'm coming!" An irate voice answered from inside the small hut, and a young woman with long, honey brown hair emerged, smoothing imaginary wrinkles from her dress. "Satanira-sama, how good to see you!" Motoko exclaimed, sharing a brief hug with the blond. "What brings you here?"

"It's Prince Yuki." Satanira sighed. "The poor boy's wandered off again, and his father can't find him. I shudder to think of what can happen to him outside the city walls… He knows so little about the real world…"

Motoko gasped, her graceful hands flying to her mouth as her eyes widened with shock.

_See, Motoko was the president of the Prince Yuki fanclub, a huge gathering of young women who'd fallen hopelessly in love with the oblivious prince. Any one of literally hundreds would do anything to protect him from danger, real and imagined, and Satanira intended to use that to her full advantage._

"Won't you help me find him, Motoko-san? Before he comes to harm?"

"Of course I will!" Motoko exclaimed, affronted that Satanira felt the need to ask. "Minami-san is inside right now; I'll lend her to you as a guide. Will that do until we've had time to marshal our forces and gather information?"

"I knew I could count on you, Motoko-san!" Satanira said by way of thanks, embracing the brunette before mounting again. "Is Mio-san still at Mokoto-kun's manor? She's the best fighter in the Souma country division of the Fanclub, and I may need her if the Prince has fallen into unkind hands."

"She is." Motoko confirmed as a girl in her late teens with pale blond pigtails hurried outside, carrying a small backpack. "Just tell her I gave you permission to remove her from her post. Mokoto-sempai can lend you horses for them."

"Thank you so much for all your help, Motoko-san." Satanira said, helping Minami up behind her on the saddle. "I mean it."

_The surest means of tracking and securing Yuki now at her disposal, Satanira turned her horse and galloped off down the road. This was going to be easy.

* * *

_

_With Prince Yuki out of the way, Kyo and Arisa were all set to continue the fight where they'd left off, but Fate had other plans._

The slight rustling of undergrowth was the only warning the group had before a small, lightning-fast figure burst into the clearing, followed closely by another.

The first figure skidded to a stop, his wavy blond hair flopping charmingly over one huge brown eye. His clothing was slightly too big, covering him from neck to knee in bright, cheerful patterns of runes and symbols on a forest green background.

The second figure turned out to be a sedate young man with black and white hair, gray eyes, and black clothing. He was a striking contrast to the blond.

"O-hi-o!" The blond exclaimed happily. "I'm Momiji-chan, the traveling magician, and this is my assistant and childhood friend, Haru-kun!"

"Yo." Was Haru-kun's contribution.

"Potions, charms, spells, and predictions! Come to me for all your magical needs at half what those city charlatans charge!"

"Damn happy Rabbit!" Kyo yelled. "Shut up and get lost!"

_Kyo, this is his part! He's supposed to be here, and that's not your line!_

"I don't care! He's annoying the hell out of me! I quit!"

_You do, and I'll tell Kagura where you are.

* * *

_

_Meanwhile, a long way off and completely removed from the current storyline, the authoress and one of the characters were caught in the middle of an explosive disagreement._

"Look, you retarded farm animal, I don't give a damn what you think! This is _my_ fic, and you're going to do whatever I damn well tell you to do!" Satanira exclaimed at the top of her lungs, trying very hard to keep herself from strangling her opponent.

"You really shouldn't talk to me that way; I'm only a kid, you know, and it's bad for me to hear such coarse language." Hiro countered calmly with a small sigh. "Why, I believe it even borders on verbal abuse, speaking that way in front of a child."

"Can it, little boy." Satanira interrupted dangerously. "I mean it. Now put on the damn costume, or so help me, I'll switch your role with Kisa's. She'd do it if I asked her, and you know it. Do you really want that?" Her ultimatum delivered, Satanira again held out the package that was Hiro's carefully tailored costume and waited in silence for his answer.

After a tense moment, Hiro snatched the bundle, stomped back into his dressing room, and slammed the door.

"And if you break anything, you're paying for it!" Satanira shouted after him for good measure before collapsing onto a handy couch with a sigh. "You can come out now, Kisa."

Kisa, dressed in a beautiful Middle Ages style gown of pink and silver, stepped timidly into the room, holding her delicate silver crown in both hands.

"Sorry you had to hear that, but he was really pissing me off. How do you like your costume?"

Kisa smiled her approval, wordlessly holding out her crown so that Satanira could properly place it without disturbing the simple, elegant bun they'd chosen as Kisa's hairstyle. The blond fic author did so, adjusting a few stray strands of hair and straightening the Tiger's skirt.

"Now back up a bit and twirl for me." Satanira instructed, nodding while Kisa did so. "Do you remember all your lines?" Kisa nodded. "Know what you're supposed to do?" Another nod. "Okay, then, off with you, before Hiro gets back. It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, you know."

Kisa blushed and skedaddled.

* * *

_Now, for something that's actually relevant._

"Minami-chan, do you hear something?" Satanira asked, reining in her horse.

"Yes." Minami answered quietly, closing her eyes. "Voices and horses. Three voices and two horses. Someone's upset."

"Should we go around them, or see what's up?"

"They'd hear us if we tried to go around them." Minami said, shaking her head. "Besides, Prince Yuki came this way, and they might have seen him."

"Good point." Satanira agreed, nudging her horse, who moved forward with great reluctance. "And no guff from you, ya four-legged manure machine."

The poor horse rolled his eyes again and stepped daintily through the bushes screening Satanira and Minami from Kyo, Tohru, and Arisa.

* * *

_Chapter two, complete. Who'd've thought watching two-year-old twins would be easier than keeping an eye on a ten-year-old and a twelve-year-old?_


	3. in Which Satanira is Chased

To Menou – Hooray! Your crush smiled at you! I love commentaries like that; it gives me some insight into the lives of ordinary, school-going teenagers. I myself never made it to sophomore year- I got my GED instead. Anyway, the fairy tale is mine, although it might bare passing resemblance to any of a dozen established stories. I can't wait for Hatori-sensei to show up, either! He's my sign, you know. Who's yours?

To Mikol- You must really like my stories or something; this is about the fifth one you've reviewed for since I last got online. Ack! No threatening me with frying pans! That's _my_ shtick! Okay, I'll get to work now.

* * *

"Something tells me this may be a bad time." Satanira noted, staring back at the dozen sets of eyes staring at her. "We could come back later, if you guys were in the middle of something."

_Silence followed her statement, and one could almost hear a-_

"No! You're either a character or the narrator! If you try to be both, you're gonna drive me nuts!" Kyo interrupted, clamping both hands over his ears. "I'm not gonna stand for this!"

_Dammit, Kyo, I'm pissed off enough as it is! Don't make me do something you'll regret!_

"And what can you do to me?" The Cat demanded stubbornly.

_I'll give you a hint- I specialize in WAFF shonen-ai fics, and I have no problem pairing mortal enemies._

"You wouldn't _dare_."

_Watch me._

"She's kinda got you there, Kyon-Kyon." Arisa spoke up, hoping to put an end to the argument. "The pairings for this story are undecided, and it _is_ her fic."

"I cannot believe you!" Minami shouted suddenly, smacking Satanira in the back of the head. "How could you even possibly _think_ of Prince Yuki being paired with some common idiot like Souma Kyo?"

"That's it! You're both gonna die!" Kyo yelled, and Satanira wisely turned and spurred her horse off, Kyo on her heels.

* * *

_Yuki, meanwhile, was blissfully unaware of what horrible plans Satanira had threatened Kyo with, meaning-_

"What plans?" Yuki asked sharply, looking around for a familiar insane blond to go with the voice. "And why am I blissfully unaware?"

_Well, if I told you – damn, Kyo can run fast – you wouldn't be blissfully unaware anymore, would you? Ouch!_

"What's going on?" Yuki asked warily. He had the sudden sinking feeling that the story was going rapidly downhill, and it would probably take him with it.

_Oh, nothing. Kyo's just trying to kill me is all. Have you seen Rin? She's running a bit late._

"Knowing Rin, she's doing it on purpose." Yuki said with a sigh. "I'll see if I can find her."

_Good. I'll see if I can't get Kyo calmed down enough to the point where I can stop and apologize without fearing for my life.

* * *

_

Rin, meanwhile, was doing what Rin does best- skulking in corners. She was dressed in black silk pants and a matching belly shirt, and covered all over with expensive silver jewelry. Everything about her, from her long, luxurious black hair to her sleek steel daggers, screamed 'Rich!' as loud as possible.

She really had no intention of cooperating with this Satanira person, although she really didn't object much to her role. She just didn't feel like being helpful.

"Rin, there you are!" Shigure exclaimed breathlessly, skidding to a halt in front of her. "I've been looking everywhere for you, young lady."

"So?" Rin demanded acidly, glaring up at him.

"So, it's time for your debut, and Akito's getting impatient. Not only that, but Satanira-"

_She does _not_ need to know that, Shigure!_

"She might not _need_ to, but I'm sure she _wants_ to,"

_Rin, do you give a damn what's happening to me?_

"No,"

_So there. Just get her to Akito's throne room. I can take care of Kyo just fine on my- holy shit! _Nobody_ can jump that high! Move, Shigure!_

"Yes, my lady."

* * *

So it was that Rin and Shigure, _sans_ narration, entered Akito's imposing throne room. Rin strode in front of Shigure, stopping at the foot of the throne with a sweeping bow.

"Rin."

"Akito."

"You're looking well."

"No, I'm not." Rin disagreed flatly. She didn't play games with the king; she had no need to fear him. "You've been driving me too hard lately. Much more, and I'll collapse."

"Is what I ask really such a strain on your powers, my sorceress?" Akito asked with a laugh. "I thought you were stronger than that."

"Guarding your borders from the heathen shaman of the North grows harder every time you expand them, _my Lord_. My power was serviceable when you ruled one or two countries; you have seven now, and you refuse to hire yourself another magician to help me."

Akito sat silently, glaring at her, but Rin simple stood, her chin raised stubbornly. The king could do absolutely nothing to her; she was the only reason he'd become as powerful as he had. Her powers far outstripped anyone else in his household, and he knew it.

"If it's really such a trial, I suppose I can permit you to find an apprentice." Akito said finally, sighing. "You have my leave to go."

Rin turned without a word and stalked out, infinitely grateful that her debut part was completely free of annoying commentary from some crazy American bitch.

_I heard that, wench!

* * *

_

Satanira sat on the ground in front of her horse, soaked with sweat, shivering, and completely out of breath. Minami was still astride the beast, too tired even to slide to solid ground.

Kyo stood not far away, blushing furiously and stammering as he tried to assure Tohru that he'd never really planned on even _hurting_ Satanira, much less killing her.

"If… we're all… through here, people… it's time we got… back to the story." Satanira panted, pulling herself to her feet with the help of a handy branch. "You… okay?"

The horse, to whom the question had been addressed, rolled his eyes and shook his head, then bent his neck and began to graze.

"Useless beast," She accused fondly, fumbling in one of his saddlebags after an apple for him.

"Would you like some time alone with your horse?" Minami mumbled, flopping forward over the horse's neck and watching with mild interest as Satanira split the apple in half and fed it to the beast in pieces.

"No, that's okay. We have no problem showing affection in public. Do we, Rolan?"

Rolan gave a tired whicker and returned to his grazing.

"So, Kyo, do you accept my solemn oath that I have absolutely no intention of ever pairing you with Yuki, in this story or any other?" Satanira asked, leaning against her mount and smiling. "I really don't, you know."

"Fine." Kyo snapped, glaring at the ground. "But only because I'm feeling generous today. Now let's get back to your stupid story so we can get it over with."

"Shigure, on the other hand, is a whole 'nother story." Satanira teased, turning and running off into the woods with Kyo right behind her and her laughter echoing through the trees.

* * *

Momiji and Haru, left to their own devices for the moment, were currently engaged in a game of tag with Kyo's bandit gang. Momiji was it, and chased after anyone who got near him, breathlessly enjoying the game like on a child can.

The little blond Rabbit finally caught a bandit by the simple expedient of tackling him.

"No tagbacks!" He exclaimed, scrambling to his feet and running out of reach.

The game was progressing nicely when Satanira burst back into the clearing, making a beeline for Haru.

"Haru-kun, you gotta protect me!" She exclaimed, trying to talk and laugh at the same time. "Kyo's gonna get me! Save me, Haru, save me!"

Haru stood calmly where he was as an enraged Kyo burst through the undergrowth, bringing the game of tag to a grinding halt.

"Where is she?" Kyo demanded, and Satanira gave a mock-frightened squeak. "I'll rip her apart with my bare hands!"

"What did you do?" One of the bandits whispered to Satanira, staring with wonder at his leader. "I've never _seen_ him so mad."

"I threatened to pair him with Shigure." Satanira whispered back. "He's so fun to tease, I just couldn't resist."

"Does this fic even _have_ a plot anymore?" The bandit wondered out loud, rolling his eyes.

"Of course it does!" Satanira assured him cheerfully, standing up and patting him on the head. "Just as soon as Kyon-Kyon calms down, we'll get back on track, and I won't tease him anymore at all."

"Well, that was a waste of a chapter." Haru noted, sidestepping to allow Kyo better access to the object of his ire.

* * *

_Haru's right; I just totally wasted an entire chapter on Kyo chasing me._

_But you gotta admit, he'd be hell of fun to tease._


End file.
